Gone are the board games and inside jokes; in their place are interest rates and career ladders. At least, that’s how one 28-year-old Redditor feels about his changing social circle. In a thread on r/CasualConversation, he asked the community if "settling down" is a death sentence for fun:
I (M28) have a group of very close friends since high school, most of us quite nerdy. We would play board games and video games, go on hiking trips, hang out randomly for a laugh... The tone was in general quite light-hearted and fun, making puns and laughing at inside jokes. Now most of them are in relationships and "getting settled", we hang out less, and when we do I get the impression that all they talk about is careers, mortgages, investments... I miss the fun days.
He received a flood of responses defending the reality of adulthood: everybody is exhausted, but nobody has lost their spark just because they gained a mortgage.
The definition of fun changes
For many users, the shift from video games to home equity isn't a decline in personality. It's just a pivot in interests. Commenters argued that what looks "boring" from the outside is often just a new, more satisfying type of engagement.
Comment in r/CasualConversationPeople find other fun things as they get older... It's a matter of personal opinion.
Comment in r/CasualConversationRight?
I was a nerdy kid, used to be really into videogames and PCs. Now I've really gotten into watchmaking, investing and cooking.
All the cool kids used to think I was boring, now my nerdy friends think I'm boring.
Comment in r/CasualConversationBoring is not the term I'd use for it. Maybe I'm biased, but this is just a different type of fun for us. I'd rather stay at home, watch TV and cuddle with my SO than go out clubing and drinking. It's just more fun for us.
Comment in r/CasualConversationI just saw someone say "Im 55 and realized I wouldn't be friends with 25 year old me"
Evolution and change is inevitable.
The survival mode defense
Others pointed out that being "boring" is often just a symptom of exhaustion rather than a personality flaw. When careers and children enter the picture, the mental bandwidth required for all-nighters or spontaneous trips simply isn't there anymore.
Comment in r/CasualConversationman i feel this so hard. my college crew used to pull all-nighters playing smash bros and now every conversation is about refinancing or which preschool has the best waitlist.. like when did we all become our parents? i run a small agency now and honestly the only thing keeping me from turning into a complete corporate zombie is that i still get to mess around with creative stuff for clients.
Comment in r/CasualConversationThe right ones don't, but you have to get really lucky to find them early on and then keep them on throughout the years. Work is such a disproportionately large part of people's lives that it's really hard to find creative space outside that, and then add a relationship and especially kids into the mix and I find that a lot of people's brains just kind of shut off under the fatigue.
In my anecdotal experience it's been the single and childfree people who retain their individuality the longest, but tbh any financial or familial obligation that sucks up a lot of time (ie debt, caretaker for aging parents, etc) diverts a lot of focus and the body and brain eventually slide into survival mode.
But yeah. I agree with you. Fun people get hard to find.
Comment in r/CasualConversationI literally felt myself get less fun and more ‘boring’ after my daughter was born due to the intense sleep deprivation and the stress of dealing with being laid off around the same time. I was always a fun, goofy, hard-partying person who never wanted to be this way and I’m still not really okay with it. I miss being fun and having any sort of zest for life.
Keeping the spark alive
However, plenty of users rejected the premise entirely, arguing that maturity doesn't require trading personality for a beige existence. As one user proved with a very specific competitive spreadsheet, you can be responsible adults and still be delightfully weird.
Comment in r/CasualConversationIm 10 years older than you and my friends and I have a spreadsheet for testing hot dogs complete with trophy winning, rules, and competitive brackets for 2026. Im an avid gamer as is my husband. My husband's main gaming partner is his brother who has 3 young children (hes a very involved father). Both of us are covered in tattoos, successful and yes we have investments. Not sure the last time we ever discussed money with friends though that's super weird.
Friends are who you choose.
You're at an odd age right now where people find their groove in life and think they "have to be" adult or whatever that means to them. There is no right way to adult outside of taking care of your responsibilities, be it pets, bills, children, property, or all of the above.
Find people who energize you not drain you. Its possible you and your friends are just no longer compatible, or its possible the friends just have a new interest and can't stop talking about it? I do remember i have one friend in his 40s who recently got into investing so hes pretty psyched about it and i let him nerd out about it but after he does that for a bit it is onto other topics. Try steering the conversation elsewhere, or at least try doing activities you like while they talk about things you dont want to really discuss (you mentioned hiking, why not go for a hike and let them nerd about nerd stuff while you take in the outdoors?). Also keep in mind buying a house is pretty big deal for people and common around your age so its like just discussion of mortgage as a current event. Idk if we have ever mentioned a mortgage to friends because all of our friends own homes now? It isnt like it was when some people rent some own and yoyre discussing pros and cons of both options as a debate.
Just some thoughts.
Comment in r/CasualConversationRegardless of the general trend, you have a lot of agency over this.
I'm 40, and my friends and I play DnD, videogames, all that stuff.
But we're also less performative, no one is trying to be cool. So we choose boring things sometimes for rest and relaxation, sometimes. There's nobody to impress when you're middle-aged.
Friendships inevitably transform as life gets more complicated, but that doesn't mean the laughter has to end. Whether it's finding joy in a quiet Friday night or starting a competitive hot dog bracket, "fun" at any age is what you make of it.
Want more like this? Read the full discussion in r/CasualConversation, and find similar conversations in r/Adulting, r/AskReddit, and r/socialskills.
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